While in one of Dr. Greg Allison’s systematic theology classes, I was very encouraged to hear him say that he had no qualms about officiating a wedding between two unbelievers. He reasoned that marriage is a creation ordinance which should be celebrated and encouraged for all persons created in the image of God (Gen 1:27b). Marriage is a testimony to our creation (Gen 2:24). It is and should be found in all cultures, believing and unbelieving throughout the world. My heart’s impulse accords with him.
What about when difficulties come? Or, more likely, what about when self-centeredness is challenged? (It was always there, just hadn’t been tested.) What recourse do we as Christians have to encourage persistence in marriage for unbelievers living in a culture that views marriage as expendable? Non-gospel reasons look like Band-Aids on compound fractures (e.g., remember how you used to feel, the good times are worth the bad times, do it for the kids). Others feel like lies (i.e., anything along the lines of “you/he/she can change”).
My wife finds herself in this place with a close family. We’re at a loss because we know the only meaningfulness to be found after the Fall in marriage is the gospel of Jesus Christ. We have defiled Edenic marriage beyond recognition. Like all things, it’s original intention has been destroyed. We need a gospel-centered marriage, which expects spouses to be sinful and selfish and in mercy persists in covenant love towards fruitful relationship and ultimate restoration.
We pray for common grace, that deep in their person they would somehow feel uneasy about divorce and work towards joy, even temporal joy, in marriage. It’s certainly the only reason other non-Christian marriages stay together. More earnestly, we pray for God’s saving grace, that in the emptiness of their present marriage they would long for a Husband who will hold fast to them without condition, a perfect love which casts out fear and frees the soul from sin to delight in Him who knows no sin.
I would appreciate your encouragements, reprimands, wisdom, and past experiences.
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3 comments:
I have surprisingly enough gathered a lot of reading and thought on the matter of marriage and divorce, even though I am not at that stage in my life. Officiating a non-Christian wedding is something that I would usually look down upon, mainly because of my pride and elitist behavior towards Christianity, but I think a thought out response would differ slightly.
As we know, the main goal of marriage is to represent the sacrificial love between Christ and the Church and to glorify Him through that. Given that, it would be concluded that marriage apart from God is evil. But one thing I have come to understand is that marriage is never apart from God (Mark 10:9). But does this mean we should encourage a marriage bond between two unbelievers?
In 1 Corinthians 7:14 we see that if one of the spouses is an unbeliever, they will be sanctified through their Christian spouse, so we know that marriage with an unbeliever is sometimes okay, but unwise, for we are not to yoke ourselves with unbelievers.
But I conclude saying that I would not be comfortable joining together two unbelievers in matrimony, but after the fact, "what God has joined together, let man not separate."
-dbloc
I have thought about this question often over the past six years or so (with no hard work or study given to it...what a unique talent I have for intellectual laziness!!).
My parents are non-believers and have a wonderful marriage. I attribute this completely to the Lord's general grace through creation--He has been so good to them and through their relationship to me!!
It is however often confusing to see my non-Christian parents have a stronger marriage (at least as far as I can tell) than several of my friends' believing parents. What conclusions should I draw from this?
But, if marriage is a creation ordinance (and it seems it is), then it is for everyone created in the image of the Father (in which case it is in some way good for two non-believers to be married.
Could it be that marriage is part of God's general grace towards His creation and societies within His creation--like good government perhaps? Good government can be pleasing to the Lord even when it isn't "Christian". It would have to share several Christian principles, but nothing close to sharing belief Gospel (the Roman government Paul writes about in that epistle was in some way pleasing to the Lord wasn't it?). Could it be the same with marriage?
Can we truthfully say that my parents' marriage (their participation in that institution) glorifies God in a very real way even though they (individually) are also (in a very real way) His enemies? I tend to think so, but I'm not sure?
thoughts?
I'm hesitant to think that we should view unbelieving marriage as God-glorifying or Christ-exalting, because the probability of divorce is so great, and the people being married are looking inward to worship their spouses, not Christ. If it is within our power of influence, I think we should encourage people to not marry. We can see that one of Paul's main reason to marry is because it is such a necessity of our heart, although he wishes that we all be like him, and remain single. Singleness is something we should encourage I think just as much as we encourage marriage.
Scott, from what your saying I drew another thought.
"Can we truthfully say that my parents' marriage (their participation in that institution) glorifies God in a very real way even though they (individually) are also (in a very real way) His enemies? I tend to think so, but I'm not sure?"
I feel as if Christ uses marriage (believing and un-) to bring about His will and purpose. Marriage represents His love for the Church. I'm reminded of Romans 9. God prepares vessels of mercy prepared in advance for glory, but He also prepares vessels of wrath for destruction, so that His full purpose may be known. Could it be that He uses your parents as vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, so that you may be a fisher of men, a vessel of mercy? I think so.
-dbloc
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